nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
