Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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