so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
