drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He passed out mid-signature
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
