Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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