You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
No subtext here. People are naked.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
