The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
