I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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