ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
