i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
