WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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