I look better un-naked...
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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