Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
