a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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