I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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