I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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