I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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