Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
