I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
