He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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