I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
NoShamevember. You game?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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