My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
