ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
