Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
