my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
