Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
