I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
