I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
