If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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