I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
