i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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