Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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