Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
