You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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