If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
