Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
