I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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