so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
