we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
