Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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