Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
