I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
