I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
