So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
