i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
