i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
this beer tastes like vomit already
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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