Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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