Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
