I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
