I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
