i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
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I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
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That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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