Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
