I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
