I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
