Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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