i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I think people are normalizing furries
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
