I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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