Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
