I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
