i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
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On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
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Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize