My nipple is on Facebook.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
