last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
