Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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