I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Maybe he injected his testicle?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
