why didn't you poke me back
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
there is glitter all over my balls
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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